Jamaica Mon..

Thanks to hurricane Beta we got rerouted to Ocho Rios, Jamaica. Jamaica mon! It was a good re-route. We got off early in the morning and went to Dunn’s River Falls. A place where you can climb the raging waters of the falls. It was a pretty neat experience. I did this 5 years ago on the repositioning cruise when the ship went from the Caribbean to Alaska. Now it was a re-route from a hurricane. An unexpected and pleasant stop. After the falls, we went to a place called Margarittaville. They have all sorts of tributes to Bob Marley (a famous Jamaican musician) and Jimmy Buffet. I had some fabulous conch fritters a la Jamaican style and some jerk chicken. We all had a blast. My singing partner is leaving this cruise, so we’re all sad to see her go. She’ll be heading into rehearsals for the ms. Noordam that leaves Venice, Italy in January 2006. It’s a brand new ship. Well, I’m going to soak up this sun whilst I can since I hear it’s so frigid in the northeast right now. Be sure to check out the pics I posted for “Fun in the Sun.” They’re pictures from the ziplining adventure and the Puerto Vallarta day. All fun in the sun. I have a fabulous tan going on. I hope it sticks with me until I get to NYC in December.

Influences...

I’ve seen a few movies and read a book recently that have touched me in one way or another the past week. This book I’ve read has made me think about being a stronger person. Every decision you make should be looked on as positive no matter how negative you perceive it. You learn from the decisions you make and move on. It also says that NOTHING is devastating enough to paralyze you in life. Loss is a part of life and it causes pain, but it should not paralyze you. The loss of a job should not paralyze you because it is not your entire life. It’s only one aspect of your life and there is loss, but there are other areas of your life that also have meaning and can create happiness. It’s the same with relationships, money, friends, family. If you single out one of these things and make them what your life is about, you will feel paralyzed if you lose them. If you make each aspect equal, you’ll experience loss, but not enough to make it devastating. It also incorporates ideas on risk taking, living life to its fullest potential, and giving to others. It was a very inspirational read and I plan to keep it in my library.

Another influence has been the movie Crash. It’s a deep movie that has racism embedded all throughout the movie. It just makes you realize how stupid we all can be as human beings and how fear in our lives can cause such negative thoughts. It was also wonderful when there were moments where the fears left the characters and there was a moment of realization of how wonderful it was to love instead of hate. I highly recommend the movie, but be prepared for an emotional roller coaster. It sure took me for a ride. Why must we all have preconceived notions about each other based on religion, money, and the color of our skins? Why can’t we all agree to disagree at times instead of pushing our strong beliefs on others? If a group of people are happy with believing in a certain idea, let them make the choice to stay there and be happy. If they don’t agree or chose a different path, let them leave peacefully without hatred and just acknowledge their happiness. If that group believes in that certain ideal so strongly, but another group doesn’t, don’t fight over it and try to gain control over each other, just acknowledge that you disagree and let it be the end. I know little about the Amish, but I do know that they offer one great thing. At least I think so. They raise their children within their lifestyle and teach them what they know. At the point of adulthood, they’re released into modern society to learn from other cultures. After this time they decide whether they want to stay within the group ad continue living their lives as they have been, or if they want to adopt a new belief. The families and friends welcome whatever decision is made. They don’t lash out on them and try to convert their ideas to their own. They know it’s time for their young to make their own decisions. If societies lived like this instead of trying to blame, gain power, and convert each other, it’d be a much happier world to live in.

Facing The Day...

As I sat there in the ship’s library (In Port Manning a.k.a. IPM as we all refer to it’s nastiness) seeing the sun set on the horizon in Oranjestad, Aruba, I was overcome with pain. I was on the lower deck brushing my teeth after dinner and getting ready to do my “other” duty as library attendant when my friends in the cast came back from their day at the beach. They were hustling and bustling to get ready for a night on the town since we were there until midnight before heading to Curacao. All were happy and feeling good from fun in the sun. I was stuck on board. We all have to do it at one point or another and it sucks. First the sadness hit me that I couldn’t join them since there were 8 of us off then (usually there are 7, but one exchanged another port with a band member for this one). Then the sadness sunk in that Chris and I are no longer together. I’m acknowledging that pain, but what have I lost? He’s still here. It won’t be the same, but all I’ve lost is intimacy. He’ll still be the only one I can relate to and be my confidant while I’m cut off from my land friends and family. It’ll take a bit, but we’ll both be back to our bubbly fun-loving selves in time. I think he’ll be one of those in my life I’d consider returning to if the opportunity came up again and we both felt mutual. It’s rare in most relationships and we all move on, but one never knows. I just think the timing for both of us was premature right now.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching out here on the high seas and I’ve been reading a book that was highly recommended by another one of my exes. The book has been an eye opener and really tunes into the ideas I’m writing about in my project (which has been aloof due to the busyness of this contract in Alaska and the breakdown of my computer). It said to be thankful to all the people that come into my life and I DO believe in that. Whether they were good or bad, I must have learned something from them especially if they touched my heart in some way. As I look back on all my past relationships, I’m friends with most of my significant partners from college and upward. Those that faded out of my life I’m still thankful for knowing while they were there. I’m still searching for one man in my life that made a significant difference and made me grow stronger as a person. He broke my heart, but as I read back through my journal I realize we were both immature in dealing with it’s ending.

Relationships come and go especially in my line of work. It takes strength, understanding, and a good connection to deal with the distances. There are a few in my cast right now and in previous casts that have taught me it could work with the right person. Yes, you miss them, but you’re happier when you’re with them because you’re happier doing the work you love to do. It’s better to be in that kind of relationship rather than be in a relationship where the strength is weak and each one has to make lots of sacrifices in their lives to make it work. I think Chris would’ve been that understanding person, but there are other things right now clouding both of our minds that make it difficult right now. I’m just thankful he’ll be in my life as a friend right now. As I type, I’m also thankful for the friends in my life who have made a difference (faded or still with me).

I’ve learned so much so far and I still have an eternity to live. I’ve had my weak moments, but I’m becoming stronger by the minute. I still have over half the world to see. I still have experiences I have to partake in. I know my brother can’t wait to get me up in the sky one day, lol. I still have pain to deal with in the future and successes to aim for. I thank my parents for raising me with the ability to choose and providing a nurturing and fulfilling environment. We didn’t have much growing up, but I always felt rich. I always made my choices and dealt with them. Nothing was really handed to me on a silver platter, but what do those kids have now that were handed their lives? I think they are filled with the fear of their changing environment. I may be wrong. We all make mistakes, but wouldn’t you be afraid if you never had to deal with making a decision and then suddenly you do? A decision that you see as one side being good and the other being bad. If we all made what we consider to be good decisions, life would be boring. Consider a “bad” decision as a learning experience and something exciting. A change. Every decision has a positive outcome somewhere. You just have to find the lesson and face the next one. If we all did that wouldn’t it be amazing? There wouldn’t be so much hate and resentment in the world.

Okay, I’m done preaching. Sheesh, when I get emotional I just go on and on. Thanks dad. I’m loving this outlet and if you’re listening (reading I should say), drop a line. I’d love to hear from ya. I can’t say when I’ll respond. E-mail is kind of slow right now until I solve this puzzle of how to write offline and send replies later, but I’ll reply eventually. I’m off to enjoy the beaches of Curacao

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do..

Oh boy. Last night was difficult indeed. You know, love has a way of changing your life. At one point you’re in love and both of you are feeling effortless in keeping the relationship going. The time just flies by and you’re both happy. Then a turn happens in one or the other’s life and you get thrown off course. You can either work to get back on course or just fall off completely. In my case it turned out to be too much work for the both of us. Things would happen in either of our lives at different times and we were off course with each other. So as another page in my life has turned, another romantic relationship has come and gone. All is not lost however. I wanted to catch this one early before it got too late. We both recognized that what we had going we weren’t really ready for right now. So much is coming up on both of our plates that we had no time for each other and we weren’t giving each other what we needed. We are going to savor this new friendship and have fun the rest of the contract without worrying about how the other is doing. This relieves some of the burden off of both of us right now. If it’s meant to be, the universe will bring us together again, but for now it’s just a friendship. Yes, I’m sad it’s not a romantic relationship anymore. I’ll definitely miss the affection, but I’d rather have a good friendship than become bitter and have the rest of the contract eat me alive. Where will life take me next? Come on, I’m ready. I have to face my fears now instead of running away from them. Too many people in the US are hiding under this protective shield and not experiencing their lives. I want to get out there. It sounds frightening, but I don’t want to regret anything when I depart this world.

In other news, my computer is STILL out of commission. That sucks!! I’m beginning to despise the US and it’s G.W. Bush feared people. I’ve been taking my computer off the ship in my backpack in Alaska (US) for 4 months and I’ve had no problems. Why all of a sudden does Florida (Port Everglades) suddenly have a problem with me taking a computer off the ship? It’s not like I’m smuggling it or anything. It’s broken!!! Or do they think I have a bomb? Who knows? No one told me I had to fill out a customs declaration form to take it off. I wasn’t leaving the ship permanently. I was just going off for the day as I always have and with no form. Customs officials blocked my exit saying I needed this form. Well, the HRO office is closed on that day and I had no way of getting this form. I also come to find out later that this form usually needs a 48 hours advanced approval so I was screwed anyway. I gave up and left my computer on board and left to have a relaxing day in port. Well, relaxing after what I could savor from that stressful morning. I went to the huge mall in Miami, had a great lunch at Cheesecake Factory, helped Chris pick out his new computer (of which I’m so jealous of ;) ), and did a little shopping to make up for the lack of computer I have. I have all the forms now, but this next Ft. Lauderdale is a US Coast Guard inspection that may shrink my window of time to get down to Miami. I’m 10 more days without a computer. I hope that the MAC store can fix it cheaply next Ft. Lauderdale AND I hope I can get there. Otherwise, another 10 days. Oy!! What curve balls will be pitched at me next?

I had a fabulous time in Half Moon Cay (Holland America’s private island). The water is absolutely gorgeous and we had a beautiful day. I’m stuck on board today in Aruba. Boo!! Everyone’s going off to beach bathe, eat fabulous food, and party. We’re here until midnight of course. I’ll miss it, but we’ll do it all again next Aruba and better since our dance captain’s boyfriend will be on and it’s my partner’s last week in the shows. She’s going on to a brand new ship for next season. Kudos to her and she’s been fabulous to work with. I’ll have Curacao to make up for today tomorrow. I can still tan by the pool.

I should have some pictures up soon or once I get back to NYC in December. SO, keep on checking the site for updates. I know some of you come here a lot. It’s nice to shout out and know that someone is listening. That’s all for now. Life keeps on rolling and I’m on for the ride.

Fabulous Sun Fun...

I’ve had some amazing experiences so far. I haven’t been updating this in a while because my laptop totally went dead on me and I won’t even be able to get an assessment until I reach Ft. Lauderdale to get to a MAC store on the 12th. Yuck!! So far I’ve been to San Diego, Puerto Vallarta, Santa Cruz, and Puntarenas. San Diego was a blast and it was great to see familiar west coast faces. I had some fabulous Mexican food in Old Town and did some shopping at familiar sites such as Fashion Valley and Horton Plaza. The weather was absolutely perfect. I didn’t want to leave it was so good. We were headed to Cabo San Lucas when we got in the path of a hurricane going through Mexico so we had to re route and totally missed the port that day. Oh well, I was going to be stuck on board doing “in port manning” (IPM) that day anyhow. We had some rough seas though, but not as bad as the rough seas we had just a few weeks back for that last trip to Alaska. Oy!! We finally arrive in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico and very excited. We took a cab into town to take in the sites. We found a nice and relaxing bar and restaurant and started the day off well with a few filling appetizers a Bloody Mary and some rum punch. We stayed in town for a bit, but the heat was too intense and we were beach bound. We cabbed it back to the port area where there was a nice resort. We went into the resort and stayed by the pool sipping rum punches and having a blast in the sun all day. The seas were too rough to be out on the beach. Waves were crashing in around 5 feet high. Good for the surfers, but not so much for me and the wonder of the undertow. I went out there for a bit and turned my back on them as they crashed up against me. WOW!! I got some major sun that day. We all had a blast out there as well acting all crazy and doing lifts in the pool. Ahh the times, and I get paid for this. Woohoo!!

The next port was Santa Cruz, Hualtulco in Mexico. I was stuck on board doing IPM duties, but got the fabulous view. I was looking forward to Puntarenas, Costa Rica in Central America. We arrived early a few days ago and arranged a cast tour to a place high in the Costa Rican rainforest to go zip lining. Oh my God!! That was THE most amazing experience I’ve had since the helicopters in Alaska 5 years ago. We went up to the most beautiful spot in the mountains, got harnessed up, and attached ourselves to a cable wire. From there we shot down cable to cable flying over the tree tops of the valleys of the rainforest. We had fresh tangerines, saw fresh avocado tress, cashew trees, and coffee trees. It was a thrill just to be hanging over the canopy and flying over it via this cable. We had the pleasure of taking one of the former most longest cables through the canopy as well. I believe it was quoted at 750 meters long (I’ll have to convert that to feet later to see how far that actually is, damn the metric system, lol). They’re building a new one though that’s supposed to be 1,050 meters and the new longest zip line cable in the world. It should take about a year. You can stay at this resort for merely $49US/day and get a 6-bedroom room for merely $69US/day!! Costa Rica 2006 here I come. Any takers?

The food they prepared for us at lunch was phenomenal. We had tequila sunrises where the orange juice was squeezed from fresh oranges off the Costa Rican trees. After the zip lining, some of the cast went rock climbing on the wall they had there and I went bounding on the trampoline. I’ve never had so much fun. It was a day I’ll remember for a long time. Now I’m sitting here in the ship’s library at 6am waiting to go through the Panama Canal this Friday morning. Five years ago I went through it the other way and now I’m heading from west to east. We’re planning on meeting in a few hours as a cast to have mimosas and the infamous Holland America Panama Rolls that are supposedly sweet rolls filled with apricot and cream. Yum!! I sent an e-mail as a heads up, but we’re going to be live on www.pancanal.com where you can see our ship going through the locks. The first sets we’ll be going through at 8:45am and 11:45am and the next set starts around 2pm. This is all in central time. We’re off to the Caribbean!! I’ll be seeing the Gatun Locks on our regular Caribbean run every 10 days starting on the 18th. So, if you missed the live feed of the Zaandam this time, say hello on the 18th of October and every 10 days after until I’m gone December 1. Boy that’s coming up quickly. Time sure does fly.