Electricity..

I must say that we rely a lot on what comes out of those little holes in the wall for daily living (electricity) and the advancement of the modern CPU. Right now I'm going through a little trauma. Back in 1960 or even 1970 this wouldn't have been such drama because all my organized documents would be in a shoe box or a filing cabinet. I do still follow that old system when I'm on land since I'm a pack rat, but it's a bit different at sea. I rely on e-mail for communication since my hands have become too lazy to write. I've put my journal entries on a Word document as well as all my bank statements, financial records, and projects. This relieves me from constantly keeping extra paper around. Well, my world came crashing to a harsh reality the other day. My computer is sick and I don't know why. It has eaten my AOL program and I can't find it. It seems to have gotten better in the past 24 hours (I hope), but once and a while I'll hear that all too familiar clicking sound indicating my computer's hard disk is having trouble doing something and whatever I'm working on will be lost. Who knows what programs it'll eat next. Luckily I caught it in time to salvage all my easy files and pictures on a little thing called a flash drive, but if my computer dies, all my music and big fancy programs will be lost. I'll be demoted from the personal use of my own computer to using public computers and scrounging for internet time. Oy!! The woes of having the luxury to have something so advanced to organize my things. It struck me on how much we rely on machines to help us with daily living. To make it simpler. Cars to get around, but now that's a burden since oil refineries are damaged and gas prices are soaring. What would we do without these modern things. Our generation is doomed if the power grid ever gets sick like my computer has. So, I'm off to Mexico with no phone reception, and now until I get an AOL start disc, I have no good way of communicating. I can still communicate, but it'll be slow. I've lost some of the e-mails I had saved to respond later. So, bare with me. I hope my computer cured itself. I'm crossing my fingers.

In other news I had a fabulous time in San Diego. I'm sorry I didn't connect with everyone while in port that day. It felt rushed as I was meeting my friends for lunch and just seeing people I haven't in a while. Then I had to get back to the ship, eat dinner, and go to rehearsal. Ahh yes. Rehearsal. It starts all over with a new girl dancer whose come on board to join us as a replacement for the girl who just left us. I loved San Diego. It was so nice. The weather was beautiful and the food was delicious. The company of friends of course was fabulous. If you don't hear from me in a while, just make frequent visits to the site. I'll do my best to keep you updates as we go around Mexico and through the Canal.

Wave Riding

All I have to say is “Oh My God!” This sea day has turned into disaster; A fun disaster, but talk about getting thrown off your schedule. So, I was typing after we did a tech run of “H2Oh!” After lunch and everything. The day was going well. Suddenly the ship starts rocking. I thought we were just going to have a rocky night and modify things a little or even at best we’d pull through and be clear of rough waters since the rocking was starting early. No. I go to the gym to do my cardio and the ship’s really going. Especially up on deck 8 forward. I was laughing because it was so fun and kind of like riding a rollercoaster while working on the elliptical machine. Well, the ship picked up. We were REALLY rocking come 6:00 when I went to dinner. You could see the ship just tip from front to back. Sky then water. Sky then water. I still thought that this wasn’t as rough as the time when I was on a transatlantic cruise from Portugal where we had 2 nights of this and it was about 20-25 ft. swells. So some of us head back up to the gym to get our ab workout in before the show. After all, we were going to need it. As we were finishing and trying to stay on the ab ball, a phone call comes up to the gym from our company manger. The cruise director called the show due to rough weather. They tried to get another act in there, but we have a juggler (no good for the same reason) and a singer. The singer was going to go on, but they couldn’t stabilize the grand piano at this point. We went to the theatre to clean up props and costumes and we could barely stand up. This was around 7ish. We went down to promenade deck where water was just spraying up onto the deck. Our stage is at the level of the bow and so we opened the door to see the bow of the ship and water would pour over the top when we crashed down from a big wave. We were supposed to have a benefit party for hurricane Katrina tonight on mooring deck which is right below the bow. We went down to check it out. It was the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen. You see there are holes in the floor of the mooring deck to drop anchor and tie up to the docks. Well when the ship crashed down after a big wave, water shot up like a spout and hit the ceiling. It was like watching 5 geysers go off at once! We all jumped at the site and ran out the door. It was hysterically funny. No party was happening there tonight. So now it’s about 8pm and we decide to dress for the evening (formal night) and head up to deck 9 forward (The Crow’s Nest) and watch the horizon. We all figured that being in our rooms on A deck (bottom of the ship) and forward where most of the turbulence was in small enclosed spaces was a bad idea. It made us all feel sick. I was starting to feel sick and the waves must have now been 20ft. At dinner they were 10-15 ft. and they were mild. Well it was definitely a sight to see. Going up then down and up and down and seeing water splash onto the bow as we crashed down. I had to have a ginger ale to calm my stomach by now and I was not doing well. It finally got dark and not seeing what was happening and going up and down got to us all. Just a reminder that the top deck all the way forward is not a good place to be during rough weather. A few times the waves were so strong they knocked bottles and glasses off the bar. We headed to our deck at the bottom and went mid ship in the petty officers lounge. This was after setting all TVs, bottles, and various other shelved items on the floor so they wouldn’t fall and crash. Ahhh. Now it was just like any other rocky night since we’re in the middle. We played games as our stomachs settled. Then all of a sudden the ship starts rocking side to side. We feel it mildly and we hear things rolling on the decks above us. It gets stronger and all of a sudden we hear a crash as the carts behind us full of plates and utensils tips over. This was about 11pm and now the Katrina Aid Party was supposedly moved to the crew messroom next door. We showed up for a bit and then headed back to our rooms. Now there’s no escape from this rocking as I type. It’s about midnight west coast time. We’re supposed to be out of the thick of it by 2am. The shops closed early, the bars closed early, and it turns out since the singer couldn’t go on they showed a movie in the show lounge. I think the passengers are going to be so relieved that we arrive in Juneau tomorrow. I hope we don’t have another night like this. It was fun for a bit, and to have 2 nights in a row off, but not this serious and not this long. Oy!!

Reflections

I just saw the sappiest movie since Titanic (well for me and from what I can remember). This falls in the same category as Beaches, Ghost, and Titanic. There are probably others, but that’s all I can remember right now. It’s "The Notebook." It’s the story of two lovers who after all life’s woes found each other in true spirit and left the world together in their old age side by side. The wife has dementia. A disease that cripples the brain much like Alzheimer’s. It’s entirely sappy and had me balling throughout the movie thinking about my aunt and just parallel storylines with my own emotions in love. It was a truly romantic move and it was great to watch it with Chris. It’s amazing what love does to you. I know when it’s real love because of the range of emotions I go through when you find someone like that. I can feel others notice it too. They see the general happiness surrounding you, an aura of light, or a twinkle in the eye. A girl who came out to help in light of the Zaandam's recent injury case gave everyone a note to say goodbye today. She was only on for a few weeks and we'll be getting a replacement next week. It was real sweet about what she said though. In her note to me she said she noticed “everything about you seems more brighter, more confident, and more outgoing.” I guess more so than in the studio just 4 months ago. Of course the studio process was really just getting my feet wet again after a 2 year break. I can’t believe what 2 1/2 years off my life did to me. 2 1/2 years of stressing about money, love, and trying to get my career going. Two years of that in a stressful environment on Wall Street and living in one of USA's most stressful cities. It’s funny how certain things can just suck the life out of you. It's also funny how others can feel the energy you emit. I guess when you’re happy it really does show and when you’re heading down the wrong path, you bring others down with you. I want to keep this string of happiness going. Just getting to perform has been making me so happy. Now I have the added bonus of a developing relationship with a talented and heartwarming guy, travel, and more friends. I'm growing again out here, and I can only look to brighter and better things ahead of me. Next time a door slams in my face I won’t just lock myself in and wallow in self-pity. I’ll fight my way out and break free. Opportunities are only lost to those who LET them pass by.
One more thought that just hit me. We have cast chat and a little backstage tour with the passengers the last day of the cruise. Someone asked what advice we'd give to an aspiring performer. I took the answer and looked right at him and said "not to give up. Take dance classes, acting classes, voice lessons, and go to an audition with confidence. This business is image based and carries a lot of rejection because you may not have the right look, the right voice, the right style, or whatever, but not because you don't have talent. Take chances and don't let criticism eat you alive, but use it as fuel to make yourself better. Just never give up and keep trying." I consider myself a fighter when I want to be. I guess I should start listening to my own advice.

Job Well Done

Carey, our Cruise Director, treated us to Pinnacle lunch today. It was so fabulous. I’ve never eaten lunch in there. She wanted to reward us for a job well done considering all the hardships we've been through concerning technical problems, injured performers, and special needs. I guess we’re doing well in the eyes of everyone way up to Bill Prince (head of entertainment at head office in Seattle). Our ship’s cast, I think, is one of the top in the fleet. Yay!! I say this only because Holland America head office in Seattle sent out a writer to see the standard of Holland America entertainment and they picked our ship and our cast. I guess he wrote the show Copacabana with Barry Manilow and they want him to write a few ship shows. It was a huge compliment. We’re also in for a big change too with the possibility of a new dancer coming in to replace one of our injured girls. The injured girl has been out on physiotherapy for 4 weeks now in Vancouver for her knees. The doctors are saying she should go home and our company is training a standby in the event she does have to go home. Boo! Our new F2 comes in November to replace Nicole. I’m very sad about that. So, bumpy road ahead. The lunch was good though. I had a strangely creamy onion soup which was fabulous, the Pinnacle burger (YUM!!) which was huge, and the fudge chocolate brownie (of course). I also had a Bloody Mary with the meal to wash it all down. A treat well deserved. I HAD to nap afterward since I didn’t get enough sleep the night before. It was a weird nap of strange dreams, sleep paralysis, and poor circulation. My arms kept falling asleep. These beds are just not comfortable. The mattresses are not only small, but very hard. I had a whole slew of dreams about the ship and various other weird things. I wonder what it all means.

Life in a Bubble

Life on a ship is so sheltered, yet vulnerable. I see on CNN the devastation that's happening in the south due to Katrina. It feels the same as when 9/11 happened back in 2001. The economy is at risk, fuel prices are rising, and people are in need in our own country. Out here in fantasy land it's like a little bubble. As all this is happening, people are smiling and enjoying themselves. I see (for the most part) happy people on a daily basis. Even amongst the ship's crew. Not the same as living in the realities of land. Especially New York. I can't imagine that this affects New Yorkers that much since they don't drive other than it might raise prices on other things. My California friends though will be feeling the effects of this latest disaster. They are so dependent on cars to get around over there and seeing a gas station charging $6.02/gallon on CNN is outrageous. Life on board is pretty simple. My food is cooked and prepared, my room is cleaned, I have fresh towels everyday and fresh sheets every couple days, I can walk to my job, and I'm taken to a new place everyday (even if it repeats from week to week). I don't have the financial burdens and woes of being on land. I also miss all the bad news that happens. I get tidbits and since Katrina is the main focus right now it's all I get. I get this nice bubble that everything's okay as long as the ship is full. If the ship is full then people can afford to travel and enjoy themselves. It makes it a difficult transition to go back to land as I remember from 5 years ago. Your mind is in this extended vacation mode. That's one aspect of its vulnerability. Another aspect is relationships with people. At times communications with land are tough so friends and family get the short end of the stick. On board you can become dependent on this cohesive family. I'm thankful that the ship is so friendly and that our cast gets along. I'm also thankful I have someone on board to ease my loneliness. Life on board can get very lonely if you can't depend on each other. Just as long as you can also separate yourself at times and focus on yourself. There's a lot of time to focus on yourself out here. Vulnerability increases as you become too dependent on each other. It's what I'm struggling with right now. For almost 5 years I was dependent on one person to be there for me always. It's hard to let go of that dependency on others and focus on myself at times. It's the hard part of ship life for me right now. I suppose this will make me stronger and ready to come back to NYC when I'm ready. Right now I can be thankful that I'm in this bubble and do not have the stresses of land life on top of overcoming my over dependency on others to get through a day. I'm also thankful that the only devastation I had to experience was minor so far (the Northeast Blackout of 2003). It wasn't even that devastating. No damage was done, not really many lives lost, just widespread confusion and discomfort. Other than a few bumps, my life has been smooth sailing so far.