Happiness Is..

It's an amazing thing to feel happy. It's also amazing when you make others happy. I've been touched in many ways this past month. Rediscovering a happiness that I've appeared to have locked away in a drawer for a couple of years. Having others tell me how happy they feel when they are creating with me. Also making someone else happy just by paying attention to them and making them feel like they belong. Finally, memories. Memories of good times that you once had with someone special. The past month or so has been quite a whirlwind. Well, the past couple of years have been a whirlwind, but that's a different story. In the past month some life changes have happened. I quit my stable full time "golden handcuffs" of a job, moved out of my own place, started to create a theatrical work, and then packed up my life to move across the country to eventually travel the high seas again. At one time my friends noticed that I'd changed into a different person from what I was in San Diego. A most important person in my life noticed this change the most and it wasn't for the good. I realized that for a lot of my life I tried to make others happy before myself. I had times where I took moments for myself. Those few moments are when I truly felt free. It took a special person in my life to help me express my true feelings to those I've been hiding from. That same person allowed me to grow in so many ways to which I'm very grateful for these days. New friendships, new family, and a new lifestyle. Those San Diego years were the best years of my life. In the past month I've rediscovered some of those feelings that seem to have been locked away for a while. One day as a song came pouring out of nowhere, two of us were ecstatic. We played this song for our friend and she was very excited and the three of us created a moving piece. If only to us, it made the three of us very excited. Others seemed to like it the more we played it and from it, I came up with a storyline. Since then, things have been changing like mad. Positive energy has just been flowing around me in such a way I can't comprehend. The story not only brings out my happiness, but makes those involved happy to be a part of it. From this experience I started to get grounded again in my craft and auditioned again. I got a call and moved out to L.A. From this, things have been blossoming. I've been working with a fabulous bunch of singers. It was very emotional to hear how well we clicked vocally and in personality. These are also a fabulous bunch of actors. To be with them on stage even in this rehearsal process is a very positive and explorative experience. We were given notes the other day on our vocal run through and the positive energy that came from that session was so uplifting and encouraging. To top it off, one of my cast members came to me and told me how great they feel with me in performance during a run through and how special she feels to be included in the ensemble. To me, an ensemble is a definite must for a show to work. No separation, no divas, no exclusions. I'm only doing my job and trying to give energy in hopes to receive it back, but I guess in her experience this was a time where she genuinely felt included. That was a huge compliment and a great feeling. The cast as a whole is extremely positive and we feed off of each other's energy so well. It does feel good to be performing again with a cast that seems passionate about their craft. I haven't felt that way so much since being a part of "Ragtime" in San Diego. It makes for a very cohesive show. I'm definitely looking forward to the months ahead. Feelings of happiness never go away. They stay imprinted on your mind. Even if your mind fades away, those happy memories will resurface. Anything can trigger them. An old friend, a familiar place, or a simple telephone call. It's funny those little triggers. How strong their staying power is and how easily they can surface. A voice on the other end can create intense memories of those moments from the past. An odor flowing through the air can calm you knowing a soothing happy memory is associated with it. A place you go with friends and the energy that surrounds it can bring about intense happy emotions. It's our cushion in life. These are the things we hold in our hearts to get us through bad times. A happy memory to counteract the sad. I guess what I'm trying to express is that everyone needs a dose of happiness. Some need it more than others. Right now I'm in a happy place, but it seems some others may not share what I feel. I don't have a partner to share these great feelings with, but I have a wonderful family of new friends and a staple of trustworthy good friends to call, hang out or share a laugh. My family has always been supportive and to that I'm also very grateful. If you feel bogged down by life, don't just harp on what is making you unhappy. Get up and be proactive. Call a friend, put in a video, read an old letter, take out a picture, do something for you that gives you that positive energy. Life's too short to tuck it away in a drawer. I took risks, and I hope to tackle many more.