Christmas Past and Present...

It was great to be home for the holidays. I flew home from California to go to Ohio for Christmas. I routed through Chicago O'Hare, which was the longest layover I had yet. It was already a 4-hour layover and then there was a 2-hour delay on top of it. The chances you take on winter AND holiday travel. There was a blizzard in Denver that delayed flights across the board. It messed up other flights and there were delays everywhere. I finally got home, but late. Now the forecasters are predicting snow for my next flying day. I better not get delayed again because of weather. I thought I was going to get away with a snowless winter and it appears Mother Nature got the best of me again. I still had a good visit home. I got to see family on both days and that was good. On my way home from my visit with my dad's side of the family today I had a bout of Peter Pan syndrome. There are just moments in life where you wish you could just freeze time and stop or go back to a moment in time and relive it. This holiday I wished I could go back to the days of my preteens. Days were simpler then. A lot has changed now. People get older, I'm getting older, moods have changed, and the way things used to be have changed. Back then I enjoyed the anticipation of the big unveiling after dinner on Christmas Eve. We had a bunch of people there. A lot of family. My brother and I were always snooping to see what was under the aluminum Christmas tree in my grandma and grandpa's basement. There was a long dinner table, but inevitably the three of us kids would be at a fold out card table in the corner somewhere while the adults sat and chattered over wine. Wine was a fascination because we couldn't have it. Neighbors came over and celebrated with us. There was always snow on the ground and we'd always hope it would last over into some horrible mess that would keep the schools closed after the holiday vacation was over. Santa Claus was a bygone by now for me, but it was still exciting because my cousin and my brother still believed. So we had to get to bed at a certain time so "Santa" could come. After the big unveiling, we would always be playing with something we got while our parents were folding up clothes, putting boxes in bags, and doling out the leftovers and Christmas goodies. It'd be near midnight before we all left and even though the drive from North Olmsted to Cleveland was a mere 15 minutes, it seemed like an hour. I was undoubtedly asleep every time before we got home and my brother was anxious to stay up to see Santa. We put cookies and milk out that mysteriously disappeared every morning. I'm sure my parents had a good giggle of that thought during their midnight madness to get everything Santafied over a few cocktails. The next morning my brother and I would inevitably wake one another up and scramble to the living room to find the mysterious packages appear. It was probably 7am and my mom and dad were NOT ready to get up, but did so anyway. After a good morning breakfast that we were both too excited to eat because of our new toys we scrambled to get ready to go over our other grandparents house for a bit of Christmas madness. Now I look back on those days and laugh at my annoyance with some of the craziness only because I wish that madness would happen again. My grandparents had a MASSIVE buffet of food, there were so many relatives over we barely fit, and the whole place was encased in smoke because almost everyone over there smoked. My aunt and uncle were vibrant with energy, grandpa was always cracking some sort of joke, my other aunt was over and she always brought her homemade bread. My cousins and their families were over. My uncle was over and brought one of his girlfriends and a friend or two. Dinner was around 1pm and the Christmas celebration went into the wee hours where the adults would play cards while my aunt, mom, grandma, and my brother and sometimes my uncle would be involved with another game or several games. We'd always fall asleep in the living room watching grandma and grandpa's cable TV. Cable TV was new then and not so common. When the Christmas madness was over we'd have 2 weeks of no school where we'd go to the Toboggan runs, sled riding, or playing in the snow. My aunt and uncle and even we lived in Cleveland around 117th Streets and that was a good area. We weren't the richest family, but we had a wonderful time. A time I wish now seeing all the changes I could take a step back into. A stress free time really. It seemed that everyone was healthy and doing okay for what they had.

Over the years you begin to accept there are going to be changes. People not in your life anymore. People who moved on to different lives. People who have new people in their lives. The old and familiar places are gone and you get used to new places. The old good neighborhoods become bad and destructive ones. The only constant in life being that every year on those same two days, I would do the same things. Those events changed so much over time, but every year I TRY to spend Christmas Eve at my mom's and Christmas Day with the Redding family. In fact, Christmas Day still takes place in the same house. I can't expect these events to last my lifetime and that reality and life change started to hit me today after my Christmas Day adventure. Christmas Eve is almost the same. Almost just as festive, almost just as exciting, and almost just as much food. There's more anticipation for me to come home and see the family and the decorations than there is to open gifts now. Gifts are just a tradition that will probably never disappear with the Christmas Eve family and lately I've been able to bring some worldly and exotic gifts to the mix with my travels. The Christmas Day has changed quite a bit. I've had my Christmases in hospitals, Christmases in different states, and Christmases with a different family altogether. This year I had Christmas Day in the same house, but so much has changed it does hurt. The energy is missing that used to be there, what used to be an overcrowded and endless night now is scarce and ends at 6pm because people are genuinely tired and must go to bed. No one smokes and if they do, they go outside. There are new family members that bring new energy to the day, but couldn't overcome the feelings I had today. My grandma hasn't changed much and that's the surprise. She's as vibrant as she ever was. Still making wisecracks and still fussing about. Now she cares for her daughter though. My aunt isn't doing so well. The aunt that would try and convince me to ride a rollercoaster when I was younger, but said it was okay when I cried and didn't ride now can't even function without assistance. Alzheimer's has gripped her pretty bad. She still remembers everyone I think, but it takes so much of her focus just to have a conversation when she used to be filled with endless chatter, jokes, and an energy I miss. All I want to do is play a simple board game with her, but those days are gone now. My uncle is battling cancer. His energy is back from when I saw him in November, but he tires easy now and is still pretty much running the house. What life has dealt my aunt and uncle isn't fair. All these two people did was send nothing but positive energy in my life. Now I can only be thankful they're still IN my life and take that as a gift for now. Yes, the people I celebrate the holidays with are still with me, but there are always changes. The greatest gift that can be given to me every year I come home for the holidays is that those same people are here in spirit. The memories I have from so many years ago when things seemed tough are now the most precious gift I have. I hope I never lose my memories and the memories that continue to enter my life.

Last time I was home my mom had some memories put to DVD. Ahh, the digital age. I looked back on those simpler times and was happy to see all the people that made such a mark on my life today. All those wonderful memories. Pictures are a wonderful thing. They're life a window to the past. Video even more so because at the time you’re watching them, those people are alive again. In spirit they're always alive. I guess what I'm trying to say is there are moments when it's exciting to look forward to what life has to bring you and then there are moments when Peter Pan comes to say hello. When Peter Pan wants to take you back to Never Never Land so you can relive those fantastic memories you took for granted when you were a kid, but now wish you had them to share all over again. I can say that I approach the changes in the next decade with tentativeness. I don't know if I'm ready to face them yet and wish I could coil up in my parent's bed on a stormy night, go to school when I didn't want to, wait for Santa or the Easter Bunny on a sleepless night, or take in a rollercoaster with the whole family.