Determination & Defiance...

I am DETERMINED to make life in New York City for a while. These past few days have been extremely hard and my heart was just screaming to go back to Ohio or somewhere quiet and live a peaceful and non-exiting lifestyle (well what would be non-exiting to me is still pretty eventful for others). So yesterday the weather rose to the 60s only to combat it with intermittent rain showers. This was okay since it was just sprinkles, but I was amidst all the holiday shoppers and dealing with subways so it was not fun. My schedule has been packed with dance classes, voice lessons, yoga classes, and auditions. On top of that I've been doing holiday events and just TRYING to get organized in my new abode. I'm still half in half out. My stuff is still at the storage unit and I'm realizing that the stuff I left there I should have figured out how to bring. I could not even imagine having a job right now, which worries me for the upcoming year. I come home and crash only to get up and start all over again. Today I bailed on my Yoga class since the weather has been causing a muscle to ache that may have been tweaked during my long drive in after Thanksgiving. The day didn't start well since I found ants carrying on in my room today. They were in a small area of my floor by the desk and I was flustered trying to get them all. I didn't want to come home to a line or a colony as I once remember happening in San Diego during a big rainstorm. Needless to say, I think the RAID did the job. No colonies or ant lines when I came home. I was worried I'd have to take everything out of my room and just clean house. I will do this when I get organized, but was not looking forward to doing it at the moment. So with the small pain and the worry of ants, I decided to not attend Yoga. So I feel a little defeated.

I am beginning to realize that my previous lack of training is beginning to catch up with me. At 35 I refuse to admit that I am less flexible, can endure less, and can't just live off minimal sleep and nourishment (don't worry mom, I AM eating well just at odd times). Who needs to eat anyway when you're schedule goes from 8:00am to 11:00pm and packed with travel, classes, and auditions? Back to flexibility and endurance. I have been taking Bikram Hathra Yoga, which is where the room gets heated to 100 degrees and you do a series of Hathra strengthening poses in the room. It's been great and my flexibility has gotten better. Or so I thought. I was in Pilate's class the other day and I noticed my core sucks. I couldn't hold a damn thing. I was cramping and my muscles just didn't want to stretch. I was shaking all over since my abs were like "what are you doing? We haven't been worked in ages." Then I was in ballet and jazz classes realizing that my turn out and flexibility there (a different flexibility needed) were just not great. I can execute moves, but my technique suffers from stiff muscles. My upcoming New Year's resolution is to resolve that by stretching as much as possible and trying to relieve all this tension. Quite the task while living in New York City. The cruise life seems to beckon me more now. It was an easy and carefree lifestyle. The bathroom was always clean, the room was always clean, I could eat without preparation or paying (most of the time without paying), and I had LOTS of free time. Yet that was an extreme for a while too. The other extreme. What I crave I guess is somewhere in between. This becomes a catch 22 when trying to be a performer. You have to be in New York or L.A. to do this career. New York is definitely the bear of the two. I am determined to overcome the extreme negativity here. I guess at the moment with the fall of the economy, high tourist season here, and the holidays things are a little emotionally heightened. Hopefully things will resolve more once I get back to the city after Christmas. By then I will be out of storage completely, be done with holiday madness here in the city, and have some down time as I've heard January is a little slow in the entertainment industry. I guess the city becomes a little less bustling in January since people go away. I will see. In the meantime I have to call upon the Gods of mental endurance.